What do they think of me? Will they like what I have to say?

These are questions I would often ask myself as a teenager suffering from severe social anxiety. I wanted so desperately to fit in and find friends, wanted so badly to be ‘cool.’ But in this desire to be liked, I lost sight of who I was and the truth about who God made me to be.

My freshman year of high school, I switched from the small town school I had grown up in to a much bigger school where I didn’t know a single person. By this time I was already in counseling for my anxiety, and while I had made strides in some areas, my social anxiety was still overwhelming. Starting at my new high school was terrifying and I wanted to make a good impression. I would wake up at 3:45 in the morning to get my hair and makeup just right. I would touch-up my makeup in between each class period to make sure I looked ‘acceptable.’ I was doing all of this to maintain appearances, but when people would try to talk to me I would freeze up. The fear of saying ‘the wrong thing’ was always in the front of my mind. So, I would just say nothing at all because it was easier than taking a chance on someone not liking what I had to say.

In these moments, I cried out to God wondering why nobody liked me and why I didn’t have many friends. I blamed others, telling myself they were just mean and cliquey. I even dreamed about becoming famous so they would all be jealous of me and wish they had been my friend. Because that would solve all my problems, right? All of this created an unhealthy cycle in my mind where I would desperately desire to belong, all the while building mental mountains of jealousy and hurt between myself and potential relationships.

But thankfully, we serve a God that is bigger than any self-destructive tendencies we may have. I got to see that truth in my life as God began to take more of my heart, and in turn, invite me into more of His freedom.

This process didn’t happen overnight. God was slowly chipping away through various means of grace. One of the tools God gave me was a wonderful godly counselor who has been in my life for the past twelve years. She helped me see that I was blaming other people for the walls I had built. Then, she helped me tear them down, and build a village instead. God also placed some incredible people in my life to help me grow into the person I am today. He grew my relationship with my sister and brought her best friend into my life as well. Together, they pushed me out of my comfort zone, encouraged me to be confident in who I am, and held my hand when it was all a little too scary. God knew I needed people to walk beside me on this journey He was calling me into, and I am so grateful for the impact of my sister and her best friend (who is now my best friend too!).

As I have grown, I’ve seen God do a complete transformation in my life. Where there was once worry and pain, there is now freedom and life. Never did I think I would be dancing in store aisles or starting conversations with strangers, but those things are a testament to the work of God in my life. Jesus began to release me from the chains I had placed upon my life, and He showed me that life in Him is not too short, but simply too precious to spend worrying about crafting this ‘perfect’ identity. My identity is already perfect because I am a daughter of the King. And that King loves to hear what I have to say. He loves watching me laugh, and He leans in when I cry. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty ‘cool’ to me.

About the Author:

Hi! My name is Becca! I’m a 24 year-old from Central Illinois. I work as a Health Specialist for a local non-profit, and I live with my sister and our adorable dog, Blue. Some of my hobbies include traveling, camping, and paddle boarding. I also love art and music! I have been a Christ-follower for the majority of my life, and one of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 16:24!