It was a Monday morning when I was in eighth grade. I was homeschooled, and every day I would wake up, get dressed, and go upstairs to eat breakfast with my mom and my siblings. On this day, from the moment I woke up, I noticed that my head hurt. I hadn’t experienced any injuries or hit my head on anything recently, so I had no idea why my head was hurting. At first, I just took it easy and tried ibuprofen, but it didn’t help. Before I knew it, I was counting the days, then months, then years I had been in pain.
After just over seven years of constant pain, specialist appointments, trying around 25 different treatments, and faithful friends and family praying with me for healing, I still have not found a solution to this round-the-clock chronic pain. When I was diagnosed with a New Daily Persistent Headache a couple of years ago, the neurologist and others told me they have no idea what causes this condition. Various medications and treatments have worked for different people, but nothing has surfaced that consistently helps with this issue.
It is hard for me to accept the fact that I’ve been in pain for almost all my teen and young adult years. Though I’ve adapted to the pain and continue to function normally, I sometimes wonder how it may be inhibiting me in ways I don’t recognize, and how much better I might feel if it went away. I don’t even remember what it feels like to not be in pain.
No matter how I look at it, this pain is entirely out of my control. I am completely dependent on God for its relief, which He hasn’t brought yet. There seems to be no end in sight except for eternity, when I know my body will be restored. This long season of searching has shown me my weakness and my need to depend on God’s strength to carry me through.
The passage God has used to encourage me over the past couple of years is 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, which says, “To keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. … Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”*
These verses remind me that even when I have persistently prayed for something to change and God hasn’t changed it, that doesn’t mean He has forgotten me. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t care that I’m in pain. Even when I can’t see the end of this difficulty, God’s grace is enough. His love is enough. His character is enough. His presence is enough.
I don’t know about you, but I tend to think that the more spiritually mature I am, the more I will be able to function independently as I follow Christ. When I see weakness in myself, I figure I just haven’t tried hard enough in my attempts to imitate Him. Somehow, I’ve got it in my head that I shouldn’t have to rely on God in order to follow Him. I sometimes struggle to acknowledge my weakness. I say, “it’s no big deal; it’s not as bad as someone else’s problems; it doesn’t affect me; I’m fine.” But this journey has been a big life-changer: scary medical scans, medications I had to take for months and deal with their unpleasant side effects to see if they would help, and the constant question of why my head hurts.
When have you been forced to face your own weakness? Do you have a health problem that seems to have no cure, a relationship you can’t seem to save, an addiction you don’t know how to beat, a mental illness you’re afraid to ask for help with? What if God’s grace and presence are actually enough to sustain us in the midst of weakness? What if we could acknowledge our weaknesses and their effects on us, and then rest in the fact that God’s strength is demonstrated even more when we are weak?
Will you join me in seeking to acknowledge our weaknesses, bring them to God, and trust that His grace is sufficient to sustain us and demonstrate His strength amid our weakness?
*Verses taken from the NASB; some translations read “my power”
Amanda Cunningham is a junior studying Communications and Bible at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. She loves writing, reading, talking with friends one-on-one, eating chocolate, and drinking coffee. She hopes to use her words to encourage, inspire, and give life. Her occasional musings can be found at amandarosewords.com.
Amanda,
This is very heart felt and real as we all work out our salvation in Christ who gives freely at no cost to us but our love for Him. He is worth everything.
Thanks for sharing your heart