“How did I get here?” It’s a question many of us have asked ourselves in troubling times. 

When I asked myself this question, I was heartbroken, in tears daily, and riddled with anxiety. Each day was filled with pain and grief that grew stronger with every passing minute. Moments that were once full of joy became dreadful and unexciting. I didn’t feel hopeful when I thought of my future and praising God felt next to impossible.

So how did I get here? I had been disobedient to the Lord and entered back into a relationship that I knew was not healthy. I had compromised my standards and settled for less than what the Lord had already shown me I deserved. I was not being treated with respect, care or Christlike love, and this was evident through my outlook on life and overall mood.

Like many situations that turn sour, it didn’t start out this way. Going back to this person felt great at first– the butterflies, the excitement, dreaming of the future, the infatuation. But as we all know, these feelings are fleeting, especially when the relationship you’re in is not honoring God.

It’s so easy to go back to what is familiar and comfortable, rather than holding out for what we know is best for us. In my case, I allowed my emotions and an unhealthy attachment to convince me to go back to a relationship that God had made clear was not for me.

The internal conflict of my convicted spirit competing with the feelings that I had for this person was indescribable. Every day was a constant battle between what I knew was right and what my flesh wanted. While saying yes to what I knew was wrong felt good at first, it eventually ended up stealing my joy.

When was the last time you said yes to something you knew was outside of God’s will simply because it felt good in the moment? Did it ultimately fill you up or leave you emptier than before?

As Christians, we know our flesh is selfish and does not have our best interest at heart, but even so it can be painfully difficult to say no to what you so badly want. Likewise, turning from our idols after a period of weakness can leave us feeling immeasurably shameful. I know that ache and guilt all too well, friend. 

I want to encourage you in the midst of whatever you’ve said yes to that is outside of God. Whether it be a relationship, a substance, money, an opportunity, a job, or sexual sin, God has given you the power to turn from it.

Will it be easy? Probably not. It will require close dependence on the Lord, a strong prayer life, and accountability from those who love you. First Corinthians 10:13 tells us, 

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man, God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

I want to point out something very important in this verse. It says that God is faithful. I pray that you take heart in this truth –that He is faithful even when we are not, and because of this He gives us a way out of the circumstances, including the ones we put ourselves in.

In spite of my rebellion by saying yes to that relationship, there was grace on the journey. The Lord gave me the strength to walk away from something that brought chaos instead of peace. He taught me that my idols do not define me and that I have the ability to say no to what my flesh wants, even when it’s hard. And most importantly, He has given me hope for a future relationship that is better than what I could ask, think, or imagine.

I am not perfect – I am still healing, still learning, and still growing. One thought I have perfected though is this: when the Lord speaks something to you, trust that He has spoken it for your benefit and His glory. Trade in your desires for His, believing that He will make a way even when it seems there is no way.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 

About the Author:

Kelsey Bayne is enthusiastic about helping others through life’s challenges by pointing them to the redemptive and healing love of Christ. She has faced a number of difficult circumstances and life challenges that have ultimately grown her relationship with the Lord and fostered the passion to share her spiritual insight with others. In her free time, Kelsey loves traveling, cooking international cuisine, spending time in nature with family and friends, playing with her cat Gracie, and serving through her church.